Sex Positive

WHat does one do on a Sunday night in Amsterdam? Why, attend feminist porn star Madison Young's "Sultry Soiree" of course, hosted by King Betty, a transgender/queer organisation whose tagline is "any gender is a drag".

Madison Young is perhaps best known for her bondage porn, much of which is considered mainstream. But she has also taken a platform within the porn industry to promote the sex positive movement, and to assert a feminist celebration of what it is to be submissive. Her website tells the story of a kinky girl next door who insists she is changing the world one orgasm at a time. She features in and makes films in which "you will find women and men having real orgasms and something that is a rarity in porn – connection. For me art and porn are closely intertwined and I like to see the two come together here on my web site and in my art work."


Given that various feminist ideologies started to split in the 1980's over such questions as whether all porn is offensive to women, all sex is rape, and the normative disagreements between "difference" versus "equality" politics, to assert one is a "feminist porn star" is to move beyond third wave post-modern feminism and into a new wave. A young goddess friend pulled a confused look when I told her Madison promotes female friendly porn. "But I am into porn anyway! What's not friendly about it?" I realised she was never exposed to the debate on porn and the commodification of women, and she is part of a generation in which pole dancing has become a sport and the use of sex to sell everything from cars to mobile phones has truly become the norm. There is something to this young goddess' dismissiveness of the "porn is exploitation" stance, but it requires women like Madison to keep pushing the boundaries and ensuring that there is some authenticity to what's being displayed about women's bodies and sex.

So what is Madison's stance all about? The Soiree began with an afternoon discussion in which Madison explained that porn for her is both educational and political. Rather than directors telling the performers what to do and how to do it, she starts from what fantasies the performers have and creates authentic erotic scenes from there. It's about what the women (in particular) want, rather than producing what the director thinks the male viewer wants. It is a celebration rather than a commodification of sex.

The evening session of the Soiree featured the world premier of Madison's new film "Femmetastic", in which femme lesbians - in the 1990's referred to as lipstick lesbians - created the scenes from their fantasies. The most intimate and erotic scene was of one woman alone in a laundromat who cheekily, sneakily sits on top of a washing machine and, looking to see if someone will come in, starts to play with herself as she is rocked and hummed by the vibrations of the machine. The orgasm she brings herself to is humble but beautiful. And the slightly see-through white singlet and skinny jeans she wears teases mean and women, gay, straight, bi-, trannie, alike.

After a short discussion on her film, during which I asked her whether sex is always political for her (to which she answered "yes, every time I f**k it's political!") we were treated to some impressive bondage performances involving women being tied with complex Japanese-style ropes and hung from the beams of the Amsterdam home we were in. The women who were tied enjoyed the attention but most of all the surrender and the trust of giving over to their master artists.

Finally Madision gave us a performance dedicated to Annie Sprinkle (prostitute and porn star turned sex educator and artist) and her wife Beth Stevens, who were celebrating their wedding anniversary with a 7-year performance series. Madison washed her naked body with grapes and grapejuice and offered purple bubble gum to audience members which she then stuck to her body, all the while exuding eroticism and creativity. The most subversive element to her perfomance, however, was the fact that she is 5 months pregnant, her swollen, fertile belly a part of her seductive movement and tantalising ease with being naked and spread open to viewers.

Sex positive? You bet. The fluidity of gender identity, gay and bi-sexuality, the beauty of the female form, the talk of poly-amory, the images of various women's sex toys and the notion that porn has moved beyond the need to be "female freindly" and is now "femmetastic".... The evening was aimed at women with some men invited to join, but the point was that anything goes when gender and sexuality boundaries are on the discussion table. It was the first time I've sat through a porn film in a room of about 50 people whose attention was as much on the art and political comment as on the hot orgasms we were viewing.

Changing the world one orgasm at a time...that's a pretty sex positive mission statement!

Hair!

I recently saw a fabulous comedy piece at the Amsterdam Fringe Festival called "The Freak and the Showgirl". Mat Fraser was a thalydamide baby and has deformed arms and hands, and Julie Atlaz Muz is a sexy burlesque dancer and together they have created one of the funniest, most politcally subversive pieces of comedy/burlesque you are bound to see in this lifetime.

Mat has spent a lot of time researching how handicapped people are depicted in pop culture, on tv, in film, in theatre. He has a lot to say on the matter from personal experience, and he also has some great pistaches from 20th century freak shows at the circus. Our endless fascination with what is "abnormal" makes the audience uncomfortable at first, but Mat's whole stage persona has everyone on his side within minutes and laughing at his whole "porn for handicapped people" satire.

Mat couples with the lovely Julie Atlas Muz, whose burlesque dances are subversive as hell - Little Red Riding Hood wearing a wolf mask, a prisoner chic who strips off completely naked, lights a ciagrette, tears up a €5 note, mimes fellatio and sodomy and then ends her piece with a political speech about how all these things are illegal in a lot of places and we need to stand up for our freedoms. Together they have a lot to say about how we objectify bodies either as freakish or as sex objects.

In the space of a bit more than an hour they are in various stages of undress, have audience members in hysterics and covered in beer, and have given much food for thought in a most entertaining way.

The thing that stuck with me most of all was almost incidental in terms of the "messages" they had. But it was anything but incidental in the show. When Julie was completely naked (breaking one of the ground rules of burlesque) it was apparent to the entire audience that she does not adhere to the social convention of shaving or waxing her pubic hair. She pointed this out and gave us all a good look at the full bush she sports. And she also pointed out that the fashion to shave or wax is a way of succumbing to the male fantasy of a young girl's hairless vagina. If we are to be women celebrating our sexuality fully, she contends, we should be letting it all grow.

And to prove her point, she introduced us to Mr Pussy, and we were treated to a film projection the size of the theatre wall of her vagina wearing sunglasses and with the hair braided into a moustache and beard, as she took "lip synching" to a new level. Her vagina lips sang to the theme song of the musical "Hair" and the visuals were tear-rolling hilarious as she went spotted, polka dotted, spangled, jangled, braided and confettied....long hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it!

I used not to shave anything - armpits, legs, pubic hair. It was a political statement as much as a fashion statement at the time. But I too eventually succumed to the pressures of what society and a few men told me was more sexually appealing. I watched this piece in full appreciation and pondered whether the choice to de-hair has truly been my own. I wonder if Julie Ataz Muse can bring "freak" and "showgirl" back into one shared vocabulary across the globe? I wish both her and Mat well on their mission in any case!

http://www.matfraser.co.uk/
http://www.julieatlasmuz.com/

Does having children make you happy?

After a discussion with my goddess-in-training sparring partner and housemate about the dream of being parents and the impact children would have on our lifestyles, she sent me a Newsweek article which declares it is a fallacy that having children will make us happier. It's not the first time I've come across this scientific conclusion - many studies have shown that parents tend to measure their happiness and life satisfaction lower than non-parents. But I do wonder about the premise of these studies.

I found an interesting take on it in this article on The Psychologist webpage, which asserts that it has more to do with our focus than our actual level of happiness. Parents tend to spend lots of time worrying about their children and this is what shows up when studies are done. When we think about a rosey future - be it a life-long relationship, being a parent, living in the Bahamas, getting the particular job we really want - we tend to focus on the positive aspects of that future possibility. Of course we don't focus on what's going to be difficult about it or how much work it's going to take. And when reality hits, we focus on the difficult things more than the positive.

It's like when I think about my current work. I have a dream job where I am surrounded by relaxed, supportive, friendly colleagues, with very little power struggle or hierarchical frustrations, where I am paid a decent salary to learn every day, do research and teach. Yet there are plenty of aspects of my work I find a challenge, or frustrating. Right now as I write this blog I am avoiding the preparation that the next subject I am to teach requires, because it is less inspiring than thinking about being a mother and everything that entails! But does that mean I am unhappy at my work? By no means! I can focus on the positive or the negative aspects and the net result will change depending on that. Meanwhile it is a part of a longer career path and overall I am very fulfilled, partly due to the very challenges and opportunitites to learn and grow.

Just as I imagine being a mother will have its ups and downs, and periods of a lot of hard work, yet it is part of something bigger. The biological and emotional call to be a mother has little to do with instant gratification or daily bliss and more to do with fulfilling something human, a call to another phase of adulthood, to a contribution to life and the world around me.

And that is not to say we should all sense and follow a biological or emotional call to be parents. Not everyone wants children. Also, I often have these kinds of conversations with women around me who feel that being a mother will mean sacrificing the full extent of their career. This of course depends on many factors including social infrastructure and flexibility in the workplace, as well as culture (see my post on why there are so few women in higher academic positions). But if it'a question of "what will make me happier - my career or being a mother?" I say the assumption is all wrong that we should be doing things based on a drive for some kind of intangible measure of happiness.

Surely being a parent is not about weighing up the hard work against the moments of reward. I would say the questions being asked in such studies are a bit skewed. Of course no-one enjoys the tasks associated with childcare. But can that be measured against the moments of insight into innocence? Or into how humans grow and develop from crawling, drooling dependent creatures to creative, independent, thinking beings? Or the moments of seeing life continue through you? Or the moments of pride, joy, self reflection, fulfilment? Or the moments as grandparents where it call gets repeated again?

Without the experience (yet) of being a parent perhaps I speak with a bit of a utopian perspective, but at least it's not one based on the disillusion that I will by definition be "happier" as a mother than if I don't have children. It's one inspired by a dream I had of sitting on the grass with my pregnant belly, watching my other young child play in the garden, my man sitting behind me with his legs either side of me and his big chest behind my back. Something essentially human and undeniably fulfilling was coarsing through me. That dream may or may not come true, but it is something that calls me just as much as my career aspirations do and my creative outlets do and the yearning I have to share my life with a partner who is my equal. Will I be happy or happier? I don't know. Will I be fulfilled at a deeper level? I believe so.

(PS - I'd be curious to see comments from anyone who is a parent!)

The New Wonder Woman?

I've posted in the past about Why I Love Wonder Woman and everything she stands for. Her back-story is one of female strength, wisdom and beauty, bestowed by the gods and representing everything that a female warrior is. Her creation is one of early feminism, and she stands for peace and justice. So it's probably about time they made a film about her, among the spate of comic book heroes being brought to life on the big screen.

It's a shame, then, that DC Comics have decided it's time to "update" this 70 year old icon. Modernisation is not a bad thing in and of itself, but if it entails changing everything familiar about this female role model, from her costume to the very roots of her existence, one has to question it. Why, oh why DC???

Their justification for changing her famous costume has been that critics questioned how WW could fight crime without her bits falling out. She's a comic book super hero, people! They always fight crime without their bits falling out! That's why Superman wears his underpants on the outside and Catwoman never has to zip herself in or out of her impossible latex getup.

It should be said, WW has been "updated" in the past. Originally her creator had her wearing a star-spangled skirt, until it was conceded this would be flying up and around her head most of the time she was in action, so they put her in shorts instead. These gradually became hotpants and then even a high-cut leotard over the decades, but at least they remained recogniseable as WW's getup.





Reducing WW's bust size may be a bit of a more realistic move, but removing the gold W from her breast??? Granted, this was only introduced in the 1980's, prior to which WW wore a golden eagle on her chest. She had, after all, been invented during the second world war as an American hero. DC decided to make er appeal more universal by having the Wonder Woman Foundation (an actual women's rights organisation) present her with a doubled W and asking her two wear it to represent women around the world.

So she has seen some changes over the years. The worst was in the 1960's when the story writers for some inexplicable reason decided to remove all her powers and her costume altogether, and name her The New Wonder Woman. She was a mod crime fighter in a fashionable 1960's minidress, but she was not a super hero. Thankfully DC returned to its senses in the 1970's and WW was given back her true identity.

Given that WW's readership has always been slightly smaller than that of her male counterparts, and given the trend of bringing our old fave comic book heros to the big screen, now is indeed the time to vamp up WW's image. There has been talk of a film for many years now, but beyond the basic 80's style animation film that was released straight to dvd in 2009, not much movement has been made. So it is understandable that at a moment of celebrating her 600th (unofficial) issue on paper, DC is looking to gain more attention for its protagonist female, and one suspects the push to film may follow.

But it was a mistake to mess with her backstory, depriving her of the upbringing on Paradise Island (Themniscyra) among the Amazon women, shifting her pacifist origins into an urban commando chic. And it was a big mistake to strip her of the familiar colours and garb we have come to know. Especailly as it has been reduced to bad 1990's bolero fashion and black skin-tight trousers. She has lost all originality.

She resembles the splinter character Donna Troy (right), who was developed from WW's adopted younger sister.


Her bullet-resisting bracelets have become tie-on gauntlets and her corset has an eerily Spiderman-like design. And perhaps the black choker was introduced because the new gauntlets have lost their subtle suggestion of S & M (which WW's original creator had as part of her sexuality and her strength). Unfortunately the overal result is a shopping mall teenager instead of a mature arse-kicking ambassador of justice.

DC, if you want to raise the profile of this all-important female hero, do so with some respect for her creation, her symbolism and her long-lasting appeal. If you reduce her to a fashion victim with a less impressive history driving her, the endless stalling of bringing her to film will continue. Everyone wants to put her on the big screen, no-one knows how because of the inconsistencies in her character. Keep it simple, keep it strong. And keep true to what is so insipiring about this feminist, pacifist heroine.

First female leader for Australia - enter the style police

This morning history was made in Australia as the first female Prime Minster was sworn in by the first female Governor General (the Queen's representative in Australia). Julia Gillard is now the country's leader and the significance of this event is not lost on many women.
(New Prime Minister Julia Gillard left, Governor General Quentin Bryce right)

The Labour party in Australia voted internally to oust Kevin Rudd, the Prime Minister who was lead Australia into environmental responsibility, and who finally apologised to the Aboriginal population for the way they have been treated as a people. Recently his popularity plummeted and Deputy PM Julia Gillard stepped up to challenge his leadership of the party and of the country. The party gave her full support and she took over the leadership in one night.

Although the support she received from the right faction in the otherwise slightly-left-of-centre Labour party was what made the difference in taking up the lead, Julia Gillard has the courage and unapologetic leadership skills to take this position the way she has. She has said to the media that she made the move because she saw a good government losing its way and she felt it was up to her to keep it on track.

A former lawyer, Gillard worked for an industrial relations law firm, first as a work experience junior, and later as partner. She moved to state politics in 1996, and federal politics in 1998. Australia is a truly sporting nation, and the fact that Gillard is a big fan of Australian Rules football club the Bulldogs raises her popularity amongst the most blokey of Aussie blokes as well.

So why is it that within HOURS of being sworn in as the country's first female PM, this highly qualified, highly educated, strong leader has news items appearing which speak of the colour of her hair (she's a natural redhead) and her style of dress??? With headlins like "Enter the Style Police" and "Julia Gillard needs a new stylist". Why is it that a woman in politics is judged so much more harshly on her appearance than her male counterparts?

A few years ago when Hillary Clinton addressed a graduating class at Yale, an audience of America's most brilliant young women, she remarked with weary irony: "The most important thing I have to say today is that hair matters ... pay attention to your hair. Because everyone else will."

My guess is it's simply because it makes for popular media. Women in politics have had make-overs and been photographed for glossy mags, which can be seen as a degradation of their professional position, but it can also be seen as a way of speaking to women through popular media and demonstrating the many faces of the female role models we have. While it can be frustrating just how much attention was focused on what dress Michelle Obama wore to Barak's inaugrual ball, it can also be seen as a way of drawing popular attention to this strong, influential, intelligent woman in a position of power.

While it's a shame that women have to measure up to the fashion industry's judgment rather than be judged on her capacities professionally, I did learn something from Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth" when I read it as a 16 year old: the popular media culture can be damaging in terms of what we are shown as the "perfect" yet impossible ideal of beauty which we are supposed to compete with and live up to, but it is also a means of mass communication which connects women automatically. In fact it may be an opportunity to display female role models in many different lights.

I deplore the fact that style police enter the scene purely because the new PM is a woman, but I applaud the fact that Julia Gillard is seen as a role model in all forms of media. As long as it continues to be an empowering context, that is!

Viva La Burlesque!

I have had many discussions with feminist friends about the pro's and con's of burlesque. One friend doesn't see any difference between this vamped-up, slightly tongue-in-cheek version of strip tease and the pole dancing hype that has recently disguised itself as a form of fitness. To her, it's all about selling female sexuality and fulfilling the ideal of the "male gaze".

Another friend can't see any similarities between these two worlds. Stripping and pole dancing are cheap, false versions of sexuality to her, and burlesque is all about the celebration of the body in all its glorious forms, the women owning the stage and using narrative to express themselves positively.

I guess I'm somewhere in between. There is something beautiful about a pole dancer who really brings dance and skill to her art. (Check out Ali Robbins) The discipline and strength needed to make it look graceful is impressive. That said, there is plenty about the strip joint and the typical pole dancer that is abhorrent to any woman who claims her sexuality as her own, since it is a commodification of sex and sexuality at its cheapest and with one impossible physical ideal at its centre.

Burlesque, on the other hand, is all about the celebration of sexuality and the diversity of female bodies, and each and every performer has her own style, her own touch, her own wink. She determines what she wears, what she dances to, for how long she is on stage, what she takes off and how, and there is such a playful edge to it all. One of the most famous burlesque dancers in Amsterdam has enormous breasts, a big nose and large lips which she paints bright red and covers in glitter. And she is fabulous and sexy as she twirls her tassled nipple-covering pasties and waves her big feather fans or tap dances across the stage.

Burlesque originates in the 19th century cabaret and circus world, where dances were becoming raunchy and acts mixed music, dance and more than brief glimpses at the female form. At the turn of the 20th century, Isadora Duncan danced barefoot and used Grecian imagary as she stipped off thin veils of cloth, everything about her movement sensual and beautiful and artful, nothing reminiscent of can-can dancers.

And in the 1920's Josephine Baker danced topless as the roaring 20's let women's freedom on the dancefloor speak of a certain sexual freedom as well.

The Hollywood choreography, the large feather fans and the sneak-peek at the female form became the taste of the 1930's. In the 1950's the glam pin-up style burlesque was a trend unto itself, and while Betty Page took it to another level, there was always a wink, a slight innocence, as if the disappearing layers of clothing were almost accidental.

In the last decade or so burlesque has seen a revival in many cities around the (western) world, and classical burlesque performers range from Dita von Teese, who does large-scale performances in a giant chamapgne glass, to Pepperminsky who immitates the Sally Rand feather dances, to those who bring the circus element back in and make it all a bit of a laughing matter. And then there is the neo-burlesque, the boy-lesque, and the combination of various arts (ballet, modern dance, charicature costumes, club music and dance tracks, narrative burlesque, fire-breathing and fire juggling, swords, belly-dancing, gothic, fetish, you name it!).

The reason I love the scene is that it is diverse, celebratory, free and all about the performers celebrating their bodies as they are - reagrdless of age, colour, size, shape. And the audiences are often made up of at least 60-70% women, who more often than not dress up in corsets, fascinators, frilly knickers or skirts, over-the-top high heels and long gloves. It's the opportunity to get playful, permission to think of oneself as a sensuous goddess and enjoy one's body and that of others in a non-judgmental, playful atmosphere.

And though it has nothing to do with the male gaze, the funny thing is the men enjoy it at least as much as the women. There is nothing sexier than someone who finds themself sexy exactly as they are and wants to celebrate that!

(In Amsterdam check out http://www.madamerisquee.com/index.html)

Women in Power

Last month I attended a 4 day workshop in the north of England with women from all over the world, under the guidance of ALissa Starkweather and some other highly trained women. We were taken into a ritualised world of symbolic animalism, of shadow work, of reconnecting to our inner predators and in doing so, reclaiming our power.

The weekend is called Women in Power and I would recommend it to absolutely any woman interested in doing some deeper work on herself. (it's only held once a year in the UK and not yet anywhere else in Europe, but a few times a year in the US, so check it out!) Some women went to heal old wounds, to claim a power they hadn't yet dared to claim as their own, to find their voice. I went because I know I am a powerful woman, but I have never truly owned all of my power, particularly that of my predator energy!

Jung spoke about our shadow as being the disowned part of ourselves, which we either try to supress or project onto others, never taking responsibility for it and therefore rather than owning it, it owns us. For me, the shadow is an anger, a hatred, a buried aggression, a desire to destroy. I saw so much anger and aggression around me as I grew up that I swore I would never be the way my angry, bitter parents were towards each other. But in doing so I disowned that aggression and it comes out left, right and centre without my willing it to.

Through the work we did over this magical weekend, I got to really enact and own that shadow in a safe space, where the women around me trusted my shadow. I got to feel what it is to destroy, and to recognise that this shadow is jsut energy, like everything else, wanting to be expressed. I discovered it is life energy and it wants me to know I am life itself. And through this I came to the recognistion that I am both destroyer and life-giver, like the dark goddess Kali.

I had women who are mothers bless my womb, I got to ritualise the abortion I had over 10 years ago and finally let go of the dead energy I had secretly been carrying around. I got to see other women look their own shadows in the face and be with their darker sides like never before. And I discovered my purpose in this: to hear and take the suffering of others, swallow it, devour it, abort it and bury it. Destroy the suffering that life may be given anew.

We shed so many tears as we felt compassion for each other, we laughed out loud, we discovered fun things about women's sexuality and biology, we ate divine food together, we danced and sang together, it was a transformational weekend. We all left feeling powerful, beautiful creatures.

Not everyone is open to taking on this kind of thing, but it's such important self-actualisation, self-awareness, growth and individuation. I was turned on to it by a friend who has done similar work with the Mankind Project - I was so excited to learn men are doing this kind of work together! There is nothing sexier than a man who knows himself and who is unafraid to step into his masculinity. And now to step into the predator, destroyer part of myself, I trust and know myself on a deeper level than ever before, and I can step into my femininity, knowing it has many sides to it and I own all of them.

I always thought of myself as a powerful woman. I now know myself to be a woman in my power.